Online Exams: The Future is Now!

This is what I wish my eyes were seeing right now but, instead, I just finished an online exam and my shoulders are still up by my ears. Personally, I am not a fan of the online test. Wait, I take that back. I am a fan when the test is easy and all of the answers are right in front of me via book, notes or webpage. I am not a fan when the answers are in front of me and I don't realize it. Then I'm the kid who couldn't get the answers to the online exam right. I've put together a list of pros and cons about the online examination. They are as follows:

PRO
- You get to have your books and notes in front of you
- The anxiety level of test taking is lessened because you are allowed to take the test in the privacy of your own home, perhaps with no clothing on
- The results for the exam are immediate, making you feel like a champion or a complete failure

CON
- The time limit:
The time limit gets it's own subcategory because I think this is the most obnoxious feature of an online test. I only had a half hour to take a test today with 2 essay questions and 10 multiple choice! The time limit should have a few minutes set aside for catching your breath after you decide to finally hit the begin button. I don't know about you, but I think I actually black out and forget where I am in those first few minutes. After regrouping, I realize five minutes have gone by and I have only answered one question while the essay questions are taunting me in the back of my mind.
- Reminding yourself to breathe
- Feeling like you are attempting to dismantle an atom bomb (Re: The time limit)
- The essay questions
I feel like I don't have a brain during this portion because I have to multitask and read what the questions is asking, think about it in my head and then articulate my thoughts cohesively. By this point I have like 3:45 left on the clock and I am scrambling to put sentences together that have something to do with the topic. I can't be expected to do all that higher mental functioning all at once! I'm only human!

In any case, good for you professors who want to ride the technological wave into online exam-dom. I have to go to work now. I brought the Jim Gaffigan dvd along with me and hopefully I will be able to watch it tonight.

My Dad, The King of Late Night Comedy?

My friend Natalie brought this comparison to light after posting on my Facebook wall the fact that she has known me for 8 years and just now come to the realization that my dad looks like Lorne Michaels. Whaddayathink?

In other news, my brother has decided to bogart my post from yesterday and make it his own...is this amateur night? This is typical of him, for it is not the first time he has stolen one of my jokes or thoughts and pawned it off as his own. I guess it has to do with younger sibling syndrome and not being heard because everyone is talking over us. The worst is when we are in a group setting and I say something hilarious under my breath and nobody hears it at first. As soon as there is a lull in the conversation, BAM! He says exactly what I said verbatim and gets the credit for it. 75% of his postings are probably original thoughts of mine.

I am unwinding after a 10 hour day at school with a little Jon and Kate Plus 8. Thanks to mom for making a delicious pot of potato soup accompanied by a loaf of french bread. I've packed in my starches for the week!

I.F.H Mondays

See more Nick Swardson videos at Funny or Die

A little late on the posting but it's Monday so I can still do it! I went to JCrew today and dropped a hunnibun on a sharp outfit for my interview on Thursday. I hope one piece power suits still scream confidence and stick-to-it-tive-ness...how do you spell that? I am off to bed! Goodnight!

Why Wasn't Technology Invented When I Was Little?

Where does this girl get her anger from! Her heavy eyeliner? And who is it geared towards? Hopefully not me! Lil Show Stopper is a stark contrast to girl that lipsynchs to what I am guessing is her NOW 29 cd before bed every night. This girl has "it". Her literal interpretive dancing and lighting effects are off the charts. She's got the grace of a ballerina and the music video director know how of Spike Jonze. I only wish there were more! What's that? She has a video for almost every popular song on the radio today? This will never get old!

Ok eff, copying and pasting the link won't work so I am going to have to ask you to go to YouTube and type in "Nobodys Perfect" and click on the video with the girl in the lime green room. SORRY. Do it!

I apologize for not embedding the video. How archaic of me. Apparently her videos are not allowed to be embedded or linked. Probably some loophole in her recording contract. It's worth it though, seriously. GO AUBURN!

Old Timer Quote of the Day

Three days in a row, this is some kind of record for me! Last night and today was a rare occasion, as it was the first time I have gone to bed before 9 since I was like 5. I woke up at 7:00 this morning to the sweet sound of Sean declaring that he was not "sweepy anymore". I went for a run and towards the end, I passed by the VFW where an old man was walking to his old car. Old people are so funny. I wish I was one. They don't give a hoot what they say to anyone because they're simply too old to care. I stopped at the sidewalk before crossing the busy street and he yelled out, "Run an extra mile for meeeeee!" Done and done my octogenarian friend, and I mean done.

My Name is Mary, M-A-R-Y

While the above clip is HILARIOUS and sad, it sheds light on a brand new addiction that I have picked up: Intervention on YouTube. It's the tops! Not only am I led to other Interventions through the Intervention clips that I am watching, but I can also skip ahead to the "what went wrong" part and the ending! Forget everything in between I want immediate sobering results! I recommend watching the above episode in its entirety (on YouTube) if you are ever feeling like going on a bender. It will make you stray far away from putting harmful chemicals into your body...it worked for me! Forget MADE and True Life- I have graduated to a much more hardcore life of watching meth addicted alcoholics! Goodmorning!

As of yet, my insatiable need for YouTube Intervention has led me to one question: Do I need an Intervention for watching too much Intervention? If I come home one day and Candy Finnigan is in my room along with all of my loved ones, I am going to be very upset. You are all "JELIS H8RS" (Michael K, Dlisted 2008) is what I would say. Does blogging demand APA format?



Whooozegottafoneikenyoooze? I'd like to introduce you to Cristy, whose resume includes a 10 year meth addiction. The naked fight interaction bears a striking resemblence to how I start my morning when my mom wakes me up, much like a feral cat. My favorite part is when she turns the music on! It sounds like a some kind of primitive, infant beat boxing housed in a karaoke machine. Get it! Later on, she requests for "music up in this mother" AT HER INTERVENTION! Get this girl a recording contract!



Sorry. One more! Skip to minute 1:41...you won't be disappointed. Another question came up while watching the same endings of Intervention, should the addict choose to go to rehab: what are the people's reaction on the plane when they see the Allisons, Cristys, and Jills with a camera crew following them? "I can't read my People magazine with this writhing drug addict next to me!" "I've lost my appetite."

Editors Note: I know that drug addiction is not funny and is a scary thing, but it's not happening to me or anyone I love!

EMBED EMBED!

Thanks to my bro for teaching me how to embed a youtube video onto the blog..let's see if this works...beep boop bop boop beep



HELLS YES! "I did it!" as Megan Healy would say! Above is a clip from America's sweetheart, Lindsey Lohan, calling our president elect, "colored"...there's no skirting her choice of words either because there is nothing else she could've said! wtf! Is this the 1940's! Get ready for a publicist written apology! Does it make you cringe as much I do when I watch it?

I know the issue of my non-posts have been the white elephant in the room and I apologize for being a neglect-arino, but now that I know how to embed videos, I'll never stop! Broken promises. Angala has threatened to start a blog of her own on how people don't blog everyday...where's the blog Ang? I think right now Gaz wins blogger of the month for October and November because he has an almost daily post. Becky, i'm sick of looking at the same picture of your damn weiner kids for 5 days in a row! Remember, your blog is my home page. I may have to switch it to www.onehundredpercentslowtwitch.blogspot.com...shout out!

Now to embed more videos!