I Need to Learn This

I'm a little behind in the times posting this video, but learning the dance to Beyonce's song "Put a Ring On It" is my goal for Christmas break. The trimester ends on December 15th and Winter block doesn't start until January 5th. That means I have 20 days total to perfect my moves...do you think I can do it? Maybe it will be my Holiday challenge and if I complete it, I will have someone tape it out in the snow like this guy. I will mimic the moves of Beyonce but follow guy in the snow's lead in terms of wardrobe and setting. Happy Day Before Thanksgiving everyone!

Online Exams: The Future is Now!

This is what I wish my eyes were seeing right now but, instead, I just finished an online exam and my shoulders are still up by my ears. Personally, I am not a fan of the online test. Wait, I take that back. I am a fan when the test is easy and all of the answers are right in front of me via book, notes or webpage. I am not a fan when the answers are in front of me and I don't realize it. Then I'm the kid who couldn't get the answers to the online exam right. I've put together a list of pros and cons about the online examination. They are as follows:

PRO
- You get to have your books and notes in front of you
- The anxiety level of test taking is lessened because you are allowed to take the test in the privacy of your own home, perhaps with no clothing on
- The results for the exam are immediate, making you feel like a champion or a complete failure

CON
- The time limit:
The time limit gets it's own subcategory because I think this is the most obnoxious feature of an online test. I only had a half hour to take a test today with 2 essay questions and 10 multiple choice! The time limit should have a few minutes set aside for catching your breath after you decide to finally hit the begin button. I don't know about you, but I think I actually black out and forget where I am in those first few minutes. After regrouping, I realize five minutes have gone by and I have only answered one question while the essay questions are taunting me in the back of my mind.
- Reminding yourself to breathe
- Feeling like you are attempting to dismantle an atom bomb (Re: The time limit)
- The essay questions
I feel like I don't have a brain during this portion because I have to multitask and read what the questions is asking, think about it in my head and then articulate my thoughts cohesively. By this point I have like 3:45 left on the clock and I am scrambling to put sentences together that have something to do with the topic. I can't be expected to do all that higher mental functioning all at once! I'm only human!

In any case, good for you professors who want to ride the technological wave into online exam-dom. I have to go to work now. I brought the Jim Gaffigan dvd along with me and hopefully I will be able to watch it tonight.

My Dad, The King of Late Night Comedy?

My friend Natalie brought this comparison to light after posting on my Facebook wall the fact that she has known me for 8 years and just now come to the realization that my dad looks like Lorne Michaels. Whaddayathink?

In other news, my brother has decided to bogart my post from yesterday and make it his own...is this amateur night? This is typical of him, for it is not the first time he has stolen one of my jokes or thoughts and pawned it off as his own. I guess it has to do with younger sibling syndrome and not being heard because everyone is talking over us. The worst is when we are in a group setting and I say something hilarious under my breath and nobody hears it at first. As soon as there is a lull in the conversation, BAM! He says exactly what I said verbatim and gets the credit for it. 75% of his postings are probably original thoughts of mine.

I am unwinding after a 10 hour day at school with a little Jon and Kate Plus 8. Thanks to mom for making a delicious pot of potato soup accompanied by a loaf of french bread. I've packed in my starches for the week!

I.F.H Mondays

See more Nick Swardson videos at Funny or Die

A little late on the posting but it's Monday so I can still do it! I went to JCrew today and dropped a hunnibun on a sharp outfit for my interview on Thursday. I hope one piece power suits still scream confidence and stick-to-it-tive-ness...how do you spell that? I am off to bed! Goodnight!

Why Wasn't Technology Invented When I Was Little?

Where does this girl get her anger from! Her heavy eyeliner? And who is it geared towards? Hopefully not me! Lil Show Stopper is a stark contrast to girl that lipsynchs to what I am guessing is her NOW 29 cd before bed every night. This girl has "it". Her literal interpretive dancing and lighting effects are off the charts. She's got the grace of a ballerina and the music video director know how of Spike Jonze. I only wish there were more! What's that? She has a video for almost every popular song on the radio today? This will never get old!

Ok eff, copying and pasting the link won't work so I am going to have to ask you to go to YouTube and type in "Nobodys Perfect" and click on the video with the girl in the lime green room. SORRY. Do it!

I apologize for not embedding the video. How archaic of me. Apparently her videos are not allowed to be embedded or linked. Probably some loophole in her recording contract. It's worth it though, seriously. GO AUBURN!

Old Timer Quote of the Day

Three days in a row, this is some kind of record for me! Last night and today was a rare occasion, as it was the first time I have gone to bed before 9 since I was like 5. I woke up at 7:00 this morning to the sweet sound of Sean declaring that he was not "sweepy anymore". I went for a run and towards the end, I passed by the VFW where an old man was walking to his old car. Old people are so funny. I wish I was one. They don't give a hoot what they say to anyone because they're simply too old to care. I stopped at the sidewalk before crossing the busy street and he yelled out, "Run an extra mile for meeeeee!" Done and done my octogenarian friend, and I mean done.

My Name is Mary, M-A-R-Y

While the above clip is HILARIOUS and sad, it sheds light on a brand new addiction that I have picked up: Intervention on YouTube. It's the tops! Not only am I led to other Interventions through the Intervention clips that I am watching, but I can also skip ahead to the "what went wrong" part and the ending! Forget everything in between I want immediate sobering results! I recommend watching the above episode in its entirety (on YouTube) if you are ever feeling like going on a bender. It will make you stray far away from putting harmful chemicals into your body...it worked for me! Forget MADE and True Life- I have graduated to a much more hardcore life of watching meth addicted alcoholics! Goodmorning!

As of yet, my insatiable need for YouTube Intervention has led me to one question: Do I need an Intervention for watching too much Intervention? If I come home one day and Candy Finnigan is in my room along with all of my loved ones, I am going to be very upset. You are all "JELIS H8RS" (Michael K, Dlisted 2008) is what I would say. Does blogging demand APA format?



Whooozegottafoneikenyoooze? I'd like to introduce you to Cristy, whose resume includes a 10 year meth addiction. The naked fight interaction bears a striking resemblence to how I start my morning when my mom wakes me up, much like a feral cat. My favorite part is when she turns the music on! It sounds like a some kind of primitive, infant beat boxing housed in a karaoke machine. Get it! Later on, she requests for "music up in this mother" AT HER INTERVENTION! Get this girl a recording contract!



Sorry. One more! Skip to minute 1:41...you won't be disappointed. Another question came up while watching the same endings of Intervention, should the addict choose to go to rehab: what are the people's reaction on the plane when they see the Allisons, Cristys, and Jills with a camera crew following them? "I can't read my People magazine with this writhing drug addict next to me!" "I've lost my appetite."

Editors Note: I know that drug addiction is not funny and is a scary thing, but it's not happening to me or anyone I love!

EMBED EMBED!

Thanks to my bro for teaching me how to embed a youtube video onto the blog..let's see if this works...beep boop bop boop beep



HELLS YES! "I did it!" as Megan Healy would say! Above is a clip from America's sweetheart, Lindsey Lohan, calling our president elect, "colored"...there's no skirting her choice of words either because there is nothing else she could've said! wtf! Is this the 1940's! Get ready for a publicist written apology! Does it make you cringe as much I do when I watch it?

I know the issue of my non-posts have been the white elephant in the room and I apologize for being a neglect-arino, but now that I know how to embed videos, I'll never stop! Broken promises. Angala has threatened to start a blog of her own on how people don't blog everyday...where's the blog Ang? I think right now Gaz wins blogger of the month for October and November because he has an almost daily post. Becky, i'm sick of looking at the same picture of your damn weiner kids for 5 days in a row! Remember, your blog is my home page. I may have to switch it to www.onehundredpercentslowtwitch.blogspot.com...shout out!

Now to embed more videos!

I am so smart, S-M-R-T

I caught Hilton without his face on one morning last year


Hooray for me! Today is a good day everyone, for I recently discovered that I only got 2 answers wrong on my research midterm! Boo yahhh! I got to school at 8 a.m. this morning to do some finishing touch studying and I guess it paid off. After turning in the test, we got to leave for a bit and walk around, make phone calls, etc. I came back later than everyone else to discover that they were already grading the exam! Normally, this would be a stressful situation but, from my results, I was cool as a cucumber. This weekend is homecoming at IU and I am sure it will not disappoint.

I've constructed a checklist of things I know will happen this weekend:
1. Leave my house at 8 a.m. and arrive in Bloomington around noon
2. See all of my friends that I have not seen in 2 months or longer
3. go to dot dot dot concert not once but twice(they are playing Friday and Saturday)
4. tailgate on saturday and hopefully get into college mischief with my fellow alums and currently enrolled students
5. fall into a deep slumber after tailgating only to be awakened by a stabbing pang of hunger
6. wake Hilton up when he does not want to be woken up
7. wait in a line at every bar and possibly not get in to any bar b/c the campus will be so crowded
8. be mad that I have to leave on Sunday

I hope I can check everything off my list and maybe add some more!

College Antics Stock Photo #1, #2, and #3

I found that little gem on my face in the attic of Kappa Delta. It wasn't living up to its potential so I decided to breathe new life into it even though after I took it off my face I felt like I acquired a flesh-eating virus. They have got to miss me at Kappa Delta. I willed the mask to Dana and she better be making good use of it!

Friday is here! YES! Not only is it Chris's day of birth, but tonight I am going to see BEN FOLDS! YAYY! I have been diligently reading and coloring in my anatomy coloring workbook and trying my best not to get distracted all day. I'm giving myself until 3 o'clock to work and then I am going to shower and get ready to head off to the city!

The first time I saw Mr. Folds was in high school at the DePaul campus downtown for $5! He was just getting popular at the time and there were only about 500 people in the audience, maybe less. The second time he came to IU and tried to make the audience poo their pants by turning the bass up to a certain level. I don't think it actually worked, although I doubt anyone would admit to going number two in their pants if it did happen. My third BF concert was at Ravinia, a very "chill" venue where we sat in the grass and listened to him bang on his piano...not in a sexy way of course. He musically banged. I am excited for my fourth concert tonight and I know he won't disappoint! There was one concert of his in college that I missed because I was playing volleyball. My roomate went and knew that I was very upset, so after the show she actually got to meet Ben Folds and she convinced him to call me on the phone. It looked a little something like this:



I kid you not, that is the man himself talking to me on the phone. I think I went into shock when he called because I don't remember what he said to me. I think I was just screaming the whole time. It looks like I used my last hour for school work to blog...WHOOPS. Until next time, peace be with you.

I Wonder if Anyone is Still Sleeping?

That was the quesion my dad should have been asking himself yesterday when he began his assignment of sawing the top of a car off in the wee hours of the morning- around 8:00. Luckily, I was awake at 7:30 so the assault on my ears was not as profound. When I first heard it I thought, "What the? It sounds like someone is sawing a car apart right outside my window!" I drew my curtains back and what do you know, I was right. My dad was grinding a saw into heavy metal not 20 feet from me on a Tuesday morning. I have a few questions and thoughts stemming from this incident:

1. Why are you taking the top off of that car?

2. Are you making a crude convertible for me as a gift for my 23rd birthday?
I imagine it would look something like this, fingers crossed:

A girl can dream, right?

3.Did you ever think that people might be sleeping?

4.Why aren't you at work?
Don't worry guys, this was a scheduled day off

Now I'll give the mic to you because I am sure you have a question for me:

1. Is it the norm in the Gaz household to be forced out of your slumber by some kind of loud noise i.e., a weedwacker, a car saw, some kind of drill, or boxes being packed with tape.

-Yes this is the norm, I don't set my alarm on the weekends because, never fail, one of the previously mentioned noises will do the waking for me.

My mom came in my room soon after the offensive noise began and said, "I hope no one is trying to sleep." Indeed.

Update: I am in the process of putting my degree to good use and applying to any schools that have a need for speech paraprofessionals because I need monies. I can't keep getting paid in meatballs. Along with my application, I am required to get fingerprinted, so I went to the town hall yesterday to do so only to be told I had to get fingerprinted by the school that interviewing me. K. I ended my morning with a trip to Dunkin Donuts to purchase coffee for my mom and dad and myself. Is it a requirement to have hickies on your neck to work at the South Heights Dunkin Donuts because, I am not lying, every employee I saw had one or more hickies on their neck. One girl even had one on her cheek...what happened there? Class time! I'm going to see Ben Folds on Friday, HOORAY!

Correction

I need to make a correction to yesterday's post pointed out by Becky. I mentioned how Sean and Meg are always on their way to Chuckie Cheese when they play in Grampy's old cars and, apparently, I made a spelling error. The hairy mascot's name of the previously mentioned italian eatery is not Chuckie Cheese, but Chuck E Cheese. And Becky says they don't go there all the time. Harumph.

Here's to You, Jackie Brennan!

I drove downtown Saturday to begin the celebration of Jackie's 24th year on this earth and picked up Annie to drive over to Jackie and Romer's apartment. Upon our arrival, we were greeted with 3 delicious Palermo's pizza pies that we quickly made short work of, I being the consumer of at least 4 pieces...YUM! After eating, we began to get ready as people started to trickle in including 2 surprise guests, some of Jackie's work friends, her brother Johnny, and my sister Angala.


We left Jackie and Romer's for our first destination, The Yard. There, we ran into a group of people on a golf themed bar crawl which was weird because our crawl was supposed to be the same thing, however, you did not have to dress up in golf attire. After The Yard we went to Moe's Cantina, one of my favorites, danced for a bit, and met Captain Morgan. I think the Captain had a little Captain in himself if you know what I mean.


The night ended at The Cubby Bear where one of Jackie's favorite cover bands, Wedding Banned, were playing. They were great! Jackie's boyfriend, Dustin, also joined us later in the night which was exciting for me because I haven't seen him in a long time! Welcome to Chicago Dustin!




Sunday morning, I came home and did what I do best, went to the library. I had to get a few hours of work done before The Healy's and the Gazerson's came over for dinner. Having everyone over was awesome and filled with jokes and laughing courtesy of Sean and Megan. It never fails that Sean and Meg run outside to Grampy's cars and jump in, Chuckie Cheese or bust. They are always driving to Chuckie Cheese, I wonder why they don't ever go anywhere else? It's pretty awesome that the babes get to play in old cars when they come over to Grampy and Ga-go's house. Awesome and possibly dangerous as evidenced by this picture:

Megan in the car with a live wire sticking out of the steering wheel...that's safe, right?




Don't worry, they are never left alone in the rusty car but they will sit in there for a long time and they don't seem to mind the smell. I'm off to the library for my Monday morning of feeling nervous that I didn't do enough work this week! Ciao!

Cram it Ma'am

I try and change things up in terms of places that I like to study and today I have chosen the Crete Public Library to grow my roots for the next 6 hours. I have a ton of dense reading to do on topics such as the gross anatomy of the central nervous system and dysarthrias and aphasias. While I am just beginning my leap into graduate school-dom, I need to concentrate on this material because it is difficult to grasp.

That being said, I can't accomplish any of the work I want to do when there is a lady at the information desk yapping her yapper about some damn romance novel she wants to check out! She is using her outside voice in an environment notoriously known for requiring an inside or less voice. It takes all of my energy not to get up, walk around the corner, and shoot her some sort of look making it known that I am annoyed at her voice and topic of conversation, and I am trying to concentrate on my reading. You know what look that is. Eyebrows raised, head pushed forward a bit. We've all done it. And a cell phone just went off.

I bet you can all guess what really grinds my gears: not quiet libraries. What happened to the days of sitting in a library and not worrying about some librarian talking to patrons about horror movies? That's happening right now! It doesn't help that my distractability level is off the charts and I'd rather be doing anything than reading about the calcarine sulcus and lingual gyrus. I need to be locked in a soundproof room with no windows to get work done.

I shot Cindi Lu a text today from the Crete Library referring to the noise level here. From her desk at the Steger-South Chicago Heights library she replied, "There are no more quiet libraries!" She really hit the preverbial nail on the head with that response. Take a bow, Cindi, you deserve it. The librarians are now saying "bye" at the top of thier lungs to people that are leaving and talking about their days. I might just leave. No, instead I will eat my lunch right where I sit! I'm being wildly inappropriate and terrible.

Go School!

As many of you may know, I made the mistake of not attending the first week of graduate school, which began two weeks ago. Following American tradition, I assumed classes started after orientation which was two weeks ago as well. Not the case. After a small meltdown and regroup, I realized that I hadn't missed much the first week and I aced a quiz that I had today in Neuroscience. Take that, academic calendar for 2008-2009!

Moving on, I've found that my observations of people and things in and around the classroom have followed me from Indiana University to Governors State, and will most likely stay with me for the rest of my life. I thought that seeking out an even higher education would squelch my habit of not paying attention in class and instead focusing on the people that are in my class and what they are doing. I have prepared a short list of my findings coupled with (cross your fingers!) pictures courtesy of google image.

I call this one, "Stuff That Happens That I Pay Too Much Attention To, Part One".

1. The "Smoker's Pole"

I am greeted by this little guy on my way into class everyday, and I reply with a chortle that hopefully goes unnoticed by my peers. This joke writes itself, need I say more?

2. Class full o' moms

I have nothing against "adult learners" and their love of letting the class know that they are present and have little to no comprehension of modern technology. You go girl! My question to them is, must you nod your head at everything the teacher is saying? I have to give credit to my brother, Dan, on that observation because while in class I texted him about my surroundings and he threw the head nodding response back at me. It's totally true. Maybe that's why I don't understand some of the new material in class! Because I don't nod my head! Now, instead of listening to my lecturer, I am looking at the row of moms nodding their heads in synchronicity. King of Pain, anyone?

If you need to contact me, I have locked myself in the Flossmoor library's study room and I'm not coming out until I have written my rough draft for class on Tuesday. I only get an hour in here so hopefully Johnny Library doesn't show up in the next 45 minutes trying to get in. I just noticed on the wall adjacent from me there is a sign written by a library lady that says "Please leave lights turned "on""...unecessary quotation? I think so! I will leave you with a picture of me and my dear friend, Matthew S. Hilton, in times of yore yesteryear.

Gimmie a Minute

I'm not a "one blog wonder"...give me a minute, dang! I am trying to figure out what direction I want this blog to go and it's taking time. I'll leave you with this picture. Put it in your pipe and smoke it, naysayers

Cue the Laugh Track...

Goodmorning and Welcome! I have finally jumped on the blog bandwagon with Becky holding the reins and Dan and Hilton in the stagecoach with me. I must admit, I was paralyzed with fear at the title and subject of my first posting, but I guess the first one should be the simplest. For those of you that don't know me, shame on you. For those of you that do, keep in mind that, although I do have valid and hilarious thoughts on a daily basis, I am merely a blogging apprentice. From the start, I am nervous about my comma usage. I guess most of the time. Pobody's Nerfect. I wanted to have this video as my breakout performance to really get your attention but I can't figure out how to save it and then post it. MOVE! Someone tell me how to put a video from youtube on this thing. It won't even matter by tomorrow.