BestSetupEverBlog

That's right. Last night, I had the brilliant idea to prop my iTouch up against my computer screen in homage to the short-lived technological anomaly known as, picture-in-picture (PIP). Come to think of it, I have never seen an actual television that had the PIP option and, I probably never will. Oh no! This idea has revolutionized how I sit on my bed and use my computer because it combines 2 things that I <3: reading blogs and watching 30 Rock.


Dan Gaz inspired me to write again and, this time, I am not going to put a ton of pressure on myself to drop amazing blog posts. I'll thank you, kindly, to stop pressuring me as well. Dan's most recent post is about how he has been told, on numerous occasions, that he looks like Jean Claude Van Damme. The only person I have ever been told that I look like is former child star and recovering meth addict, Jodi Sweetin. Thanks a lot, Angala.


Time to play some volleyball with Liz!

The Case of the Blood Drooling Cat

I can't figure out how to upload pictures onto my computer from my cell phone...



... but when I do figure it out, I will be able to unveil the most disgusting creature to ever walk this Earth. Now I feel badly for even saying or thinking that because the cat that we inherited from my dad's friend is one of God's creatures and he's really nice. We got Shade about 3 months ago and he started out fine, the other cats got along with him really well. Recently, he contracted some kind of virus in his mouth that started out as drool and led to drooly blood. It has now spread to his eye and makes his face look gnarly. My dad is so great with Shade, he administers his eye drops and dotes on him like a baby, something I could never stomach. The poor thing is in pain so hopefully, when my mom takes him to the vet tomorrow, they will put an end to this drool. As for right now, every time I walk in my room and look at him, I am reminded of the T-1000, the ficitonal android assassin from Terminator 2

Feature Emcee: Mr: Maintenance

Today was the last day of finals week for a large portion of the GSU population and, keeping with tradition, some numbskull decided to have a paper airplane throwing contest in the large foyer of GSU.

That's it everyone. A piece of paper folded up and thrown from the third floor balcony over and over again accompanied by a raucous narrative of the flight provided by the maintenance guy. I guess this activity was a way to "blow off steam" from the trimester, but at that moment? And for three hours? I would not have normally minded, but it was directly disturbing the popular study area on the balcony of the library. At one point, a woman came out and yelled at the emcee. He laughed at her. Apparently paper flight is more important than becoming a professional. Many have complained, nothing will be done about it.

Old Person Joke of the Day

Maybe I am just one of the lucky ones that is witness to old people acting like old people on more than one occasion, and here we go again!

I am at the Flossmoor library right now doing some reading, and this old woman just walked up to a younger man reading to tell him a joke. It went like this:

Woman: "Did you hear about the Bush's library that burned down in the White House?"
Confused Man: "Uh, no."
Woman: "2 coloring books and a box of crayons were destroyed!"

And before the man could even make a sound she goes, "It was a joke!" and walks away! Where is this pass that old people seem to get to do and say whatever the hell they want, and when do I get it!?

Fuck It

This reminds me of a dad flipping out...it makes me nervous!

I got a cat about a month ago and I named her Lady because that's what she is, a lady cat. My dad suggested "Pee-Pee 2" or "Pee-Pee junior" but I chose to stay away from those titles. Grey kitty had a bit of an awkward adjustment period with her which, most of the time, looked like this:

The joke in the Gaz household is that our Grey kitty is re-animated, much like the cat from Pet Semetary. She's so unpleasant and we have tried to be nice to her but she just ends up whining and having terrible breath. Angala says she will breathe in your soul at night if you keep your mouth open. I don't have a picture of Lady because my digital camera is broken but maybe this will do:

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!! My lady has not been reduced to a pelt streched out by some guy in his office...but it does remind me of a storrrrryyyy! One of the first times Maria came to visit our house, my dad showed her how tall Grey kitty had gotten by stretching her out, much like that businessman/cat skin picture. That is a story that will be told and re-told for the rest of our lives. I tried to google image a picture that was an accurate representation of M'lady, but none of them do her justice. You all know what a tabby cat looks like: blackish, grey, white, brown and tiger-striped. This is slowly turning into a cat post overload. More on the cats to come. Goodnight!

Smarter Than the Average 4 y.o.

No need for a long explanation, I've been on vacation! I haven't posted in a while, my apologies, but I was bitten by the blog bug today at school during my lesson on interpreting standardized tests. I started my second trimester (I'm getting huge!)at Gov State in January, and I can't stop watching the Sopranos. I can't even stay on topic without talking about the show. I'm watching it RIGHT NOW! My mom and I have started somewhat of a book club but with t.v. watching this series, beginning with season 1. Here he is the cause and solution to all of our problems:


...and I am not referring to Patsy Parisi...OH!

One of my requirements as a fledgling speech-language pathologist (SLP) is to learn how to give a standardized measurement tool, also known as, a test. I have to administer, interpret, and report these tests and it just so happened that I was able to use Sean Healy as one of my test subjects.



I went over to Becky's while they were out of town and assessed Sean using the TOSS-P. I tested Sean on his receptive and expressive language abilities using label identification, category stating, and function identifying. I was in the library today while grading his test and I couldn't help but laugh a few times at his responses. When asked to describe what an announcement was for Sean replied, "doing something". This was question 70 out of 103, so I think he was getting a little restless. At one point, Sean flipped the script and began asking me questions and attempting to grade my responses. He showed me a picture and asked "What's silly?" and then I would have to point to something that I thought was silly. Since, the pictures on the test are pretty straight forward, it was hard to choose. After pointing to what I thought was "silly", Sean would mark on a piece of paper my "score". Hopefully I passed.

I finished scoring his test today, and his age equivalency score is 4 years, 9 months! That means he's 9 months smarter than his age! Bravo Sean!

I Need to Learn This

I'm a little behind in the times posting this video, but learning the dance to Beyonce's song "Put a Ring On It" is my goal for Christmas break. The trimester ends on December 15th and Winter block doesn't start until January 5th. That means I have 20 days total to perfect my moves...do you think I can do it? Maybe it will be my Holiday challenge and if I complete it, I will have someone tape it out in the snow like this guy. I will mimic the moves of Beyonce but follow guy in the snow's lead in terms of wardrobe and setting. Happy Day Before Thanksgiving everyone!

Online Exams: The Future is Now!

This is what I wish my eyes were seeing right now but, instead, I just finished an online exam and my shoulders are still up by my ears. Personally, I am not a fan of the online test. Wait, I take that back. I am a fan when the test is easy and all of the answers are right in front of me via book, notes or webpage. I am not a fan when the answers are in front of me and I don't realize it. Then I'm the kid who couldn't get the answers to the online exam right. I've put together a list of pros and cons about the online examination. They are as follows:

PRO
- You get to have your books and notes in front of you
- The anxiety level of test taking is lessened because you are allowed to take the test in the privacy of your own home, perhaps with no clothing on
- The results for the exam are immediate, making you feel like a champion or a complete failure

CON
- The time limit:
The time limit gets it's own subcategory because I think this is the most obnoxious feature of an online test. I only had a half hour to take a test today with 2 essay questions and 10 multiple choice! The time limit should have a few minutes set aside for catching your breath after you decide to finally hit the begin button. I don't know about you, but I think I actually black out and forget where I am in those first few minutes. After regrouping, I realize five minutes have gone by and I have only answered one question while the essay questions are taunting me in the back of my mind.
- Reminding yourself to breathe
- Feeling like you are attempting to dismantle an atom bomb (Re: The time limit)
- The essay questions
I feel like I don't have a brain during this portion because I have to multitask and read what the questions is asking, think about it in my head and then articulate my thoughts cohesively. By this point I have like 3:45 left on the clock and I am scrambling to put sentences together that have something to do with the topic. I can't be expected to do all that higher mental functioning all at once! I'm only human!

In any case, good for you professors who want to ride the technological wave into online exam-dom. I have to go to work now. I brought the Jim Gaffigan dvd along with me and hopefully I will be able to watch it tonight.

My Dad, The King of Late Night Comedy?

My friend Natalie brought this comparison to light after posting on my Facebook wall the fact that she has known me for 8 years and just now come to the realization that my dad looks like Lorne Michaels. Whaddayathink?

In other news, my brother has decided to bogart my post from yesterday and make it his own...is this amateur night? This is typical of him, for it is not the first time he has stolen one of my jokes or thoughts and pawned it off as his own. I guess it has to do with younger sibling syndrome and not being heard because everyone is talking over us. The worst is when we are in a group setting and I say something hilarious under my breath and nobody hears it at first. As soon as there is a lull in the conversation, BAM! He says exactly what I said verbatim and gets the credit for it. 75% of his postings are probably original thoughts of mine.

I am unwinding after a 10 hour day at school with a little Jon and Kate Plus 8. Thanks to mom for making a delicious pot of potato soup accompanied by a loaf of french bread. I've packed in my starches for the week!

I.F.H Mondays

See more Nick Swardson videos at Funny or Die

A little late on the posting but it's Monday so I can still do it! I went to JCrew today and dropped a hunnibun on a sharp outfit for my interview on Thursday. I hope one piece power suits still scream confidence and stick-to-it-tive-ness...how do you spell that? I am off to bed! Goodnight!

Why Wasn't Technology Invented When I Was Little?

Where does this girl get her anger from! Her heavy eyeliner? And who is it geared towards? Hopefully not me! Lil Show Stopper is a stark contrast to girl that lipsynchs to what I am guessing is her NOW 29 cd before bed every night. This girl has "it". Her literal interpretive dancing and lighting effects are off the charts. She's got the grace of a ballerina and the music video director know how of Spike Jonze. I only wish there were more! What's that? She has a video for almost every popular song on the radio today? This will never get old!

Ok eff, copying and pasting the link won't work so I am going to have to ask you to go to YouTube and type in "Nobodys Perfect" and click on the video with the girl in the lime green room. SORRY. Do it!

I apologize for not embedding the video. How archaic of me. Apparently her videos are not allowed to be embedded or linked. Probably some loophole in her recording contract. It's worth it though, seriously. GO AUBURN!

Old Timer Quote of the Day

Three days in a row, this is some kind of record for me! Last night and today was a rare occasion, as it was the first time I have gone to bed before 9 since I was like 5. I woke up at 7:00 this morning to the sweet sound of Sean declaring that he was not "sweepy anymore". I went for a run and towards the end, I passed by the VFW where an old man was walking to his old car. Old people are so funny. I wish I was one. They don't give a hoot what they say to anyone because they're simply too old to care. I stopped at the sidewalk before crossing the busy street and he yelled out, "Run an extra mile for meeeeee!" Done and done my octogenarian friend, and I mean done.

My Name is Mary, M-A-R-Y

While the above clip is HILARIOUS and sad, it sheds light on a brand new addiction that I have picked up: Intervention on YouTube. It's the tops! Not only am I led to other Interventions through the Intervention clips that I am watching, but I can also skip ahead to the "what went wrong" part and the ending! Forget everything in between I want immediate sobering results! I recommend watching the above episode in its entirety (on YouTube) if you are ever feeling like going on a bender. It will make you stray far away from putting harmful chemicals into your body...it worked for me! Forget MADE and True Life- I have graduated to a much more hardcore life of watching meth addicted alcoholics! Goodmorning!

As of yet, my insatiable need for YouTube Intervention has led me to one question: Do I need an Intervention for watching too much Intervention? If I come home one day and Candy Finnigan is in my room along with all of my loved ones, I am going to be very upset. You are all "JELIS H8RS" (Michael K, Dlisted 2008) is what I would say. Does blogging demand APA format?



Whooozegottafoneikenyoooze? I'd like to introduce you to Cristy, whose resume includes a 10 year meth addiction. The naked fight interaction bears a striking resemblence to how I start my morning when my mom wakes me up, much like a feral cat. My favorite part is when she turns the music on! It sounds like a some kind of primitive, infant beat boxing housed in a karaoke machine. Get it! Later on, she requests for "music up in this mother" AT HER INTERVENTION! Get this girl a recording contract!



Sorry. One more! Skip to minute 1:41...you won't be disappointed. Another question came up while watching the same endings of Intervention, should the addict choose to go to rehab: what are the people's reaction on the plane when they see the Allisons, Cristys, and Jills with a camera crew following them? "I can't read my People magazine with this writhing drug addict next to me!" "I've lost my appetite."

Editors Note: I know that drug addiction is not funny and is a scary thing, but it's not happening to me or anyone I love!

EMBED EMBED!

Thanks to my bro for teaching me how to embed a youtube video onto the blog..let's see if this works...beep boop bop boop beep



HELLS YES! "I did it!" as Megan Healy would say! Above is a clip from America's sweetheart, Lindsey Lohan, calling our president elect, "colored"...there's no skirting her choice of words either because there is nothing else she could've said! wtf! Is this the 1940's! Get ready for a publicist written apology! Does it make you cringe as much I do when I watch it?

I know the issue of my non-posts have been the white elephant in the room and I apologize for being a neglect-arino, but now that I know how to embed videos, I'll never stop! Broken promises. Angala has threatened to start a blog of her own on how people don't blog everyday...where's the blog Ang? I think right now Gaz wins blogger of the month for October and November because he has an almost daily post. Becky, i'm sick of looking at the same picture of your damn weiner kids for 5 days in a row! Remember, your blog is my home page. I may have to switch it to www.onehundredpercentslowtwitch.blogspot.com...shout out!

Now to embed more videos!

I am so smart, S-M-R-T

I caught Hilton without his face on one morning last year


Hooray for me! Today is a good day everyone, for I recently discovered that I only got 2 answers wrong on my research midterm! Boo yahhh! I got to school at 8 a.m. this morning to do some finishing touch studying and I guess it paid off. After turning in the test, we got to leave for a bit and walk around, make phone calls, etc. I came back later than everyone else to discover that they were already grading the exam! Normally, this would be a stressful situation but, from my results, I was cool as a cucumber. This weekend is homecoming at IU and I am sure it will not disappoint.

I've constructed a checklist of things I know will happen this weekend:
1. Leave my house at 8 a.m. and arrive in Bloomington around noon
2. See all of my friends that I have not seen in 2 months or longer
3. go to dot dot dot concert not once but twice(they are playing Friday and Saturday)
4. tailgate on saturday and hopefully get into college mischief with my fellow alums and currently enrolled students
5. fall into a deep slumber after tailgating only to be awakened by a stabbing pang of hunger
6. wake Hilton up when he does not want to be woken up
7. wait in a line at every bar and possibly not get in to any bar b/c the campus will be so crowded
8. be mad that I have to leave on Sunday

I hope I can check everything off my list and maybe add some more!

College Antics Stock Photo #1, #2, and #3

I found that little gem on my face in the attic of Kappa Delta. It wasn't living up to its potential so I decided to breathe new life into it even though after I took it off my face I felt like I acquired a flesh-eating virus. They have got to miss me at Kappa Delta. I willed the mask to Dana and she better be making good use of it!

Friday is here! YES! Not only is it Chris's day of birth, but tonight I am going to see BEN FOLDS! YAYY! I have been diligently reading and coloring in my anatomy coloring workbook and trying my best not to get distracted all day. I'm giving myself until 3 o'clock to work and then I am going to shower and get ready to head off to the city!

The first time I saw Mr. Folds was in high school at the DePaul campus downtown for $5! He was just getting popular at the time and there were only about 500 people in the audience, maybe less. The second time he came to IU and tried to make the audience poo their pants by turning the bass up to a certain level. I don't think it actually worked, although I doubt anyone would admit to going number two in their pants if it did happen. My third BF concert was at Ravinia, a very "chill" venue where we sat in the grass and listened to him bang on his piano...not in a sexy way of course. He musically banged. I am excited for my fourth concert tonight and I know he won't disappoint! There was one concert of his in college that I missed because I was playing volleyball. My roomate went and knew that I was very upset, so after the show she actually got to meet Ben Folds and she convinced him to call me on the phone. It looked a little something like this:



I kid you not, that is the man himself talking to me on the phone. I think I went into shock when he called because I don't remember what he said to me. I think I was just screaming the whole time. It looks like I used my last hour for school work to blog...WHOOPS. Until next time, peace be with you.

I Wonder if Anyone is Still Sleeping?

That was the quesion my dad should have been asking himself yesterday when he began his assignment of sawing the top of a car off in the wee hours of the morning- around 8:00. Luckily, I was awake at 7:30 so the assault on my ears was not as profound. When I first heard it I thought, "What the? It sounds like someone is sawing a car apart right outside my window!" I drew my curtains back and what do you know, I was right. My dad was grinding a saw into heavy metal not 20 feet from me on a Tuesday morning. I have a few questions and thoughts stemming from this incident:

1. Why are you taking the top off of that car?

2. Are you making a crude convertible for me as a gift for my 23rd birthday?
I imagine it would look something like this, fingers crossed:

A girl can dream, right?

3.Did you ever think that people might be sleeping?

4.Why aren't you at work?
Don't worry guys, this was a scheduled day off

Now I'll give the mic to you because I am sure you have a question for me:

1. Is it the norm in the Gaz household to be forced out of your slumber by some kind of loud noise i.e., a weedwacker, a car saw, some kind of drill, or boxes being packed with tape.

-Yes this is the norm, I don't set my alarm on the weekends because, never fail, one of the previously mentioned noises will do the waking for me.

My mom came in my room soon after the offensive noise began and said, "I hope no one is trying to sleep." Indeed.

Update: I am in the process of putting my degree to good use and applying to any schools that have a need for speech paraprofessionals because I need monies. I can't keep getting paid in meatballs. Along with my application, I am required to get fingerprinted, so I went to the town hall yesterday to do so only to be told I had to get fingerprinted by the school that interviewing me. K. I ended my morning with a trip to Dunkin Donuts to purchase coffee for my mom and dad and myself. Is it a requirement to have hickies on your neck to work at the South Heights Dunkin Donuts because, I am not lying, every employee I saw had one or more hickies on their neck. One girl even had one on her cheek...what happened there? Class time! I'm going to see Ben Folds on Friday, HOORAY!

Correction

I need to make a correction to yesterday's post pointed out by Becky. I mentioned how Sean and Meg are always on their way to Chuckie Cheese when they play in Grampy's old cars and, apparently, I made a spelling error. The hairy mascot's name of the previously mentioned italian eatery is not Chuckie Cheese, but Chuck E Cheese. And Becky says they don't go there all the time. Harumph.

Here's to You, Jackie Brennan!

I drove downtown Saturday to begin the celebration of Jackie's 24th year on this earth and picked up Annie to drive over to Jackie and Romer's apartment. Upon our arrival, we were greeted with 3 delicious Palermo's pizza pies that we quickly made short work of, I being the consumer of at least 4 pieces...YUM! After eating, we began to get ready as people started to trickle in including 2 surprise guests, some of Jackie's work friends, her brother Johnny, and my sister Angala.


We left Jackie and Romer's for our first destination, The Yard. There, we ran into a group of people on a golf themed bar crawl which was weird because our crawl was supposed to be the same thing, however, you did not have to dress up in golf attire. After The Yard we went to Moe's Cantina, one of my favorites, danced for a bit, and met Captain Morgan. I think the Captain had a little Captain in himself if you know what I mean.


The night ended at The Cubby Bear where one of Jackie's favorite cover bands, Wedding Banned, were playing. They were great! Jackie's boyfriend, Dustin, also joined us later in the night which was exciting for me because I haven't seen him in a long time! Welcome to Chicago Dustin!




Sunday morning, I came home and did what I do best, went to the library. I had to get a few hours of work done before The Healy's and the Gazerson's came over for dinner. Having everyone over was awesome and filled with jokes and laughing courtesy of Sean and Megan. It never fails that Sean and Meg run outside to Grampy's cars and jump in, Chuckie Cheese or bust. They are always driving to Chuckie Cheese, I wonder why they don't ever go anywhere else? It's pretty awesome that the babes get to play in old cars when they come over to Grampy and Ga-go's house. Awesome and possibly dangerous as evidenced by this picture:

Megan in the car with a live wire sticking out of the steering wheel...that's safe, right?




Don't worry, they are never left alone in the rusty car but they will sit in there for a long time and they don't seem to mind the smell. I'm off to the library for my Monday morning of feeling nervous that I didn't do enough work this week! Ciao!

Cram it Ma'am

I try and change things up in terms of places that I like to study and today I have chosen the Crete Public Library to grow my roots for the next 6 hours. I have a ton of dense reading to do on topics such as the gross anatomy of the central nervous system and dysarthrias and aphasias. While I am just beginning my leap into graduate school-dom, I need to concentrate on this material because it is difficult to grasp.

That being said, I can't accomplish any of the work I want to do when there is a lady at the information desk yapping her yapper about some damn romance novel she wants to check out! She is using her outside voice in an environment notoriously known for requiring an inside or less voice. It takes all of my energy not to get up, walk around the corner, and shoot her some sort of look making it known that I am annoyed at her voice and topic of conversation, and I am trying to concentrate on my reading. You know what look that is. Eyebrows raised, head pushed forward a bit. We've all done it. And a cell phone just went off.

I bet you can all guess what really grinds my gears: not quiet libraries. What happened to the days of sitting in a library and not worrying about some librarian talking to patrons about horror movies? That's happening right now! It doesn't help that my distractability level is off the charts and I'd rather be doing anything than reading about the calcarine sulcus and lingual gyrus. I need to be locked in a soundproof room with no windows to get work done.

I shot Cindi Lu a text today from the Crete Library referring to the noise level here. From her desk at the Steger-South Chicago Heights library she replied, "There are no more quiet libraries!" She really hit the preverbial nail on the head with that response. Take a bow, Cindi, you deserve it. The librarians are now saying "bye" at the top of thier lungs to people that are leaving and talking about their days. I might just leave. No, instead I will eat my lunch right where I sit! I'm being wildly inappropriate and terrible.